Because I’m Not Myself, You See: A Memoir of Motherhood, Madness and Coming Back From the Brink

Ariane Beeston     Recommended by Staff    

I do not know who I am anymore or where I have gone…


Ariane Beeston is a child protection worker and newly registered psychologist when she gives birth to her first child – and very quickly begins to experience scary breaks with reality. Out of fear and shame, she keeps her delusions and hallucinations secret, but as the months pass Ariane gets worse. Much worse. Finally admitted to a mother and baby psychiatric unit, the psychologist is forced to learn how to be the patient.

With medication, the support of her husband, psychotherapy and, ultimately, time, Ariane rebuilds herself. And she also begins a new chapter working in perinatal mental health, developing resources to support other new mothers.

Because I’m Not Myself, You See┬áis a candid, often humorous memoir of motherhood and madness, interwoven with research and expert commentary. It’s the story of the impossible pressures placed on new mothers and how quickly things can go wrong during ‘the happiest time of your life’. It’s also about life on the other side of serious illness, trying to make sense of what doesn’t make sense, and finding humour, beauty and joy when things don’t go according to plan.


‘Blistering, beautiful, true’ –Susan Johnson, author of A Better Woman, From Where I Fell and Aphrodite’s Breath

‘Ariane Beeston’s honesty, poetry and wisdom will save lives.’ –Anna Spargo-Ryan, author of A Kind of Magic

‘Both riveting and informative, this is an unflinching look at what it is like from inside postpartum psychosis.’ -Anne Buist, Professor of Women’s Mental Health, University of Melbourne, and co-author with Graeme Simsion of The Glass House

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